The Optimist-The Pessimist After Penn
The Optimist and The Pessimist arrive from different directions – naturally – at the same time, and reach for the door at exactly the same moment. They laugh as they head to their usual table to place their orders and begin their weekly tête-à-tête.
The Optimist: It’s Homecoming! I can’t wait for the bonfire and another big win.
The Pessimist: It’s going to be a long wait.
The Optimist: I don’t think so. I’m actually pretty confident that we’re going to beat Yale.
The Pessimist: Nope.
The Optimist: Trust me, we’re going to send the Bulldogs back to New Haven with their tales between their legs.
The Pessimist: We’ll get to the game in a second. When I said it was going to be a long wait, I meant until the next bonfire. Frankly, I’m surprised you missed the news that the bonfire has been canceled because of a ban on open fires in drought-stricken New Hampshire.
The Optimist: You know how much it annoys me when you talk in italics. So, what are they going to do instead of the bonfire?
The Pessimist: Some kind of light show thing.
The Optimist: Ugh. Well, I guess the only fireworks we’ll see this weekend will be on Memorial Field.
The Pessimist: Like last week in Philadelphia?
The Optimist: I knew it would be only a matter of time until you went there. That was a disappointing result, yes, but keep in mind, Penn is a very good team.
The Pessimist: I seem to recall the Ivy League poll predicted a sixth-place finish for the Quakers. Didn’t they need a field goal at the end to slip past lowly Stonehill in their opener? Didn’t Lehigh slap 44 points on them the next week?
The Optimist: Not much I can say about Stonehill, but Lehigh is 5-0 and Penn trailed just 37-30 before the Mountain Hawks tacked on an insurance touchdown with 58 seconds left. And that was against the No. 7 team in the country. No disgrace in that.
The Pessimist: True, but consider this. Penn lost to the No. 7 team in the country while Brown was defeating the No. 8 team. What that tells me is Penn would have its hand full against Brown, and remember, Brown was destroyed by Harvard, 41-7.
The Optimist: We can debate that all day but I’m focused on Yale this week. I’ve got to believe we’re in the Bulldogs’ heads after we roared back from a 30-13 deficit last year to beat them in overtime, 44-43.
The Pessimist: Trust me, they haven’t forgotten. Motivation will not be a problem for the Yalies.
The Optimist: Yale is 2-1 but you'll be glad to know the two wins have come against teams with a combined 0-9 record. Holy Cross is 0-6 and Cornell is 0-3.
The Pessimist: You can only play who is on your schedule. As for their loss to Lehigh, I seem to recall that when we were talking about Penn you said there’s no disgrace in losing to the No. 7 team in the country.
The Optimist: Whatever. After we dispatch the doggies we’ve got Fordham, which really is a dog. They are 1-5 and are giving up 40.8 points per game.
The Pessimist: Boston College scoring 66 in the opening week of the season didn’t help. To their credit, they've been better the last two times out, with a win and a decent showing at Lafayette.
The Optimist: I notice you didn’t mention who the win was against, so I will. They beat Holy Cross, 26-21, in a battle of winless teams.
The Pessimist: Fine, but I'll have you know Fordham had more first downs and more total yards than a decent Lafayette team last week. Look past ‘em at your own peril.
The Optimist: After dispatching one disappointing team from the Big Apple, we get another one a week later up here. Giving credit where credit is due, Columbia won a share of the title last year, but the honest truth is the Lions are struggling this year. They are scoring just 14.3 points per game, fewest in the Ivy League. Their only win was by nine points over lowly Georgetown, and I can promise you they are not going to come up here and embarrass us on a nationally broadcast Friday night game.
The Pessimist: Like they did in 2021 when their 19-0 win on ESPNU cost you an undefeated season?
The Optimist: Then we’ve got Harvard and I’ll grant you, the Crimson is off to a blazing start. But they haven’t played exactly a Murderer’s Row. More like a Cupcake Alley. Seriously, they opened with abysmal Stetson, pounded Brown, crushed winless Holy Cross and have winless Cornell this week.
The Pessimist: Remember what I said earlier? You can only play who is on your schedule. But keep in mind, Harvard isn’t just beating the weak teams on its schedule. It is obliterating them. The Crimson is averaging 53 points a game and giving up 12.7.
The Optimist: After paying back Harvard we have back-to-back home games against Princeton and Cornell. Bob Surace has headed up the Princeton program since 2010 and even his best teams never won in Hanover. And for the record, this is not one of his best teams. I mean, they lost at home to San Diego, and San Diego just lost to Marist.
The Pessimist: Princeton is off to a 2-1 start and the Tigers are 1-0 in the Ivy League, and that’s all that matters.
The Optimist: As for Cornell, they are oh-fer this year and it doesn’t look like that’s going to change this week with a game at Harvard.
The Pessimist: It’s true Cornell is in the midst of a four-game losing streak reaching back to last year. But if you do go back to last year, any idea who their last win was against? Yup, Dartmouth, which they beat, 39-22.
The Optimist: Then we close out against Brown. I’ll grant you, last week’s win over Rhode Island got my attention. But if you think Dartmouth beat itself down at Penn, you should have seen the Brown-Rhody game. The Rams tossed two interceptions and lost two fumbles, including one that nullified an apparent touchdown. All credit to Brown. They won the game. But URI is wildly overrated. Their four wins have come against teams with a combined 5-19 record.
The Pessimist: Brown 28, No. 7 Rhode Island 21. Nuff said.
The Optimist: That’s all you have? I guess I’ll see you at the Bonfire.
The Pessimist: Think again, my friend.
