HANOVER – The server looks over at the two old guys who grab a bite together every Tuesday morning and is surprised to see both are laughing.
The Optimist: I haven’t thought about him for years.
The Pessimist: Me neither, but sometime during Saturday’s game I remembered that ornery old guy. Must be playing Yale that jarred the memory.
The Optimist: If I remember correctly, he used to cover the entire Ivy League for the New York Times, but I think he was a Yale guy and must have lived around New Haven.
The Pessimist: At his age I’m pretty sure he wasn’t driving up from New York City.
The Optimist: Good point. As I recall, a regular reader of ours apparently figured out how to get past the BGA copy protection and emailed out transcripts of our repartee to him. Saved the guy the subscription fee.
The Pessimist: Anyway, that’s how the cheapskate got the idea to email his own fictional discussion about Yale football each week between two opposing forces like us. He called them Bull and Dog. At least that’s what I think he called them. I don’t know which of those two played your role and which played mine.
The Optimist: Well, we’re the originals so I claim Dog because you are definitely full of Bull.
The Pessimist: Very funny. All I'm pretty sure of is you wouldn't have liked his story if he wrote one after last week's game down in New Haven, and that’s no bull. I mean, you got run over, passed over and even hurdled over. That Yale running back absolutely posterized your D-back who never touched him on his touchdown run.
The Optimist: You do realize it was a 10-point game until midway through the third quarter, right?
The Pessimist: You do realize it was a 21-point game when it was over, right? Yale piled up 537 yards of total offense while holding you to 225 and a single measly touchdown. You lost badly to a team that was crushed by Cornell in their Ivy League opener.
The Optimist: You are getting a little dramatic for my taste. Yes, they lost at Cornell in their second game, but crushed is a little much. Don't forget, Yale was playing without its star quarterback.
The Pessimist: Uh, does he play defense too? Cornell slapped 38 points on a Yale defense that held you to seven points. Not good.
The Optimist: I have to admit it wasn’t our best performance.
The Pessimist: Actually, you don’t have to admit anything. We could all see it. Now with a conference loss, your back is against the Ivy League wall.
The Optimist: As was Yale’s back a few days ago. Give them credit for playing like it. But I’ll tell you what. Our destiny is still in our hands. Win out and we win a share.
The Pessimist: Go on.
The Optimist: Harvard may be undefeated, but from what I saw at the Bowl, the Crimson’s not going to beat Yale. And yes I know, Princeton has yet to lose a conference game, but the Tigers aren’t going to get through the Yale-Harvard-Dartmouth unscathed.
The Pessimist: Unscathed, huh? I’m not even sure if scathed is even a word, but I’ve got to say it describes you so far this fall.
The Optimist: Once more with feeling. We didn’t play our best against Yale. But we could have, and probably should have, won at No. 4 Lehigh. We played a top-25 Monmouth to a virtual stalemate, and we beat a pretty good Penn team. This week we wrap up our noncon season with a convincing win over Merrimack.
The Pessimist: You mean, like the last time you played them?
The Optimist: I grant you, they gave us a pretty good scare, but we won at their place, and if you remember, we went on to win a share of the Ivy League title that fall. Beating them this week will be a good omen, even if they aren’t very good.
The Pessimist: That team you don’t think is very good was down just 17-14 at the half playing at No 2 Tarleton. They were tied with Yale in the fourth quarter a couple of weeks ago.
The Optimist: You conveniently fail to mention that Tarleton ended up beating them, 45-20. And that Yale went on to a 41-24 win. Merrimack is 2-4 and their only wins are over DII New Haven and winless Maine.
The Pessimist: Correction, Maine has one win. Here's something to chew on. Boston College struggled to beat Maine by six points in Chestnut Hill. Merrimack beat the Black Bears up in Orono by nine. And for your information, New Haven has moved up to the FCS. Merrimack beat them 17-10 and Brown beat them 17-10. Do with that as you will.
The Optimist: After regaining our mojo, we’ll take a bite out of the Big Apple with a win over Columbia. The Lions are 3-1 but they haven't beaten anybody.
The Pessimist: I watched their win at Marist last week, and their quarterback, freshman receiver, and running back looked pretty darn good to me.
The Optimist: The Marist QB torched 'em. We’ve beaten a lot better Columbia teams. They won a share of the Ivy title two years ago, and we took the measure of them down in the city, 24-21. Last year we pounded ‘em, 49-3. After we finish them off, it’s on to Harvard.
The Pessimist: I noticed you didn’t say, “It’s on to beating Harvard.”
The Optimist: They are pretty good, but they can be had. I mean, would you call their 14-10 win over 2-2 Brown impressive?
The Pessimist: Would you call your 14-10 win over 2-2 Penn impressive?
The Optimist: Very funny. Then we’ve got Princeton, and while the Tigers improved to 3-1 by limping past a woeful Wagner team last week, I’ll have you know coach Bob Surace has been at his alma mater since 2010 and has never beaten Dartmouth in Hanover.
The Pessimist: And I’ll have you know the game is at Princeton.
The Optimist: Then we head to 2-2 Cornell, whose only win besides beating Yale sans its starting quarterback came against Georgetown.
The Pessimist: What you fail to mention is the Big Red's two losses have come to Harvard, currently No. 17, and Colgate, No. 19 in the coaches’ eyes. The jury is out on Cornell, but I’ll remind you that your last trip to Ithaca you lost, 39-22.
The Optimist: Gee thanks for the reminder. Then we close out with Brown in The Tussle. The Bears are 2-2 and that feels about right, although one of their wins was against DII New Haven.
The Pessimist: I know you are messing with me about the DII stuff. Last week Brown beat a Bryant team that brought a 4-1 record into the game. Their two losses were by four points to Harvard and three to a highly regarded Rhode Island. There's no shame in that. I’m sure I don’t have to remind you what happened when you played them last year.
The Optimist: No, you don’t, Bull, but thanks anyway. This is Dog signing off just like that crotchety old guy used to.
The Pessimist: Now it's us who are the crotchety old guys, and that's no Bull. See you next week.