HANOVER – The Optimist and The Pessimist are at their usual table at the usual time on the usual day. But something unusual is about to happen.
The Pessimist is going to speak first.
The Pessimist: I warned you last week Princeton was pretty good. I’m sure it’s difficult having them ruin your season.
The Optimist: You got it half right.
The Pessimist: Aw, c’mon, that’s a really good team. I certainly wasn’t wrong about that.
The Optimist: I'm sure you remember Lee Corso's famous five words, right?
The Pessimist: Remind me.
The Optimist: Not so fast, my friend.
The Pessimist: You aren’t really going to try to try to convince me your guys have a legit shot at the Ivy League championship or the FCS Playoffs, are you?
The Optimist: Yes, yes I am. I’m not making any guarantees, but I like our chances.
The Pessimist: Go on.
The Optimist: OK, here goes. We’ve got Cornell on Saturday, and unlike Princeton, the Big Red can’t stop anyone. Harvard scored 41 on them. Brown and Lehigh each scored 38 on them. They are exactly what our offense ordered.
The Pessimist: Uh, Cornell gave up only 14 points to Penn last week, and Princeton had only 14 until the final two minutes a week before.
The Optimist: I'll grant you, they are better than they have been on D, but as we saw in the second half Saturday, the Princeton offense that Cornell kept in check isn’t very potent. As for Penn, it was playing with its backup quarterback. The fact that those teams didn't score much against Cornell is more an indictment of their offenses than a reflection of good Big Red defense. While I'm at it, not only is their defense meh at best, their once-potent offense scored just three touchdowns in the last two games combined. They are in the tank.
The Pessimist: I’ll push back a bit. They didn’t score much against Princeton, but nobody apart from Harvard has been able to score much against the Tigers. No disgrace there. As for last week, Cornell lost its starting quarterback during the first series and had to play a freshman who hadn’t been on the field for a single college snap.
The Optimist: I saw his numbers, and I really like our chances if he’s the starter this week.
The Pessimist: I’m sure he’ll be better prepared if he’s playing this week. And if the regular starter is in there, look out. He’s a 6-foot-5, 248-pound dual threat who helped them score 48 points in an eye-catching win over Lehigh, 38 in a win over Yale, and 29 in a strong showing against Harvard. All of those games were out in Ithaca, where Cornell is pretty tough. I seem to recall they beat you the last time you played out there.
The Optimist: Thanks for the reminder. Well, we won’t know if their starter is playing until we see the two-deep.
The Pessimist: To quote Garth, or maybe it was Wayne, “as if.” Two-deeps have become a joke. Regardless of who is behind center, Cornell also has one of the best receivers in the league, and an All-America tight end. Their defense is second in the Ivy League against the run and they have 19 sacks, second in the Ivy.
The Optimist: What you conveniently fail to mention is their pass defense gives up more yards per game than any defense in the Ivy League, which is another reason why I expect us to take care of business this week. While we're doing that, I expect Yale to do us a solid against Princeton in New Haven.
The Pessimist: Do you a solid? Who are you, Kramer? Let's be serious. Yale has been swirling around the bowl ever since your game with them. They’ve lost three of their last four games with the only win against hapless Columbia. And the quarterback who lit you up must have an arm issue or something because he hasn’t looked the same ever since they played you.
The Optimist: As you found out, Yale has the best running back in the league, some of the best wide receivers around, and a defense that was stout enough to hold you to seven points. If their quarterback is ready, I fully expect them to help us out by handing Princeton Ivy League loss No. 2.
The Pessimist: Please don’t tell me you also expect Penn to, in your words, do you a solid this week against Harvard?
The Optimist: Expect it? Probably not, but it absolutely could happen. Harvard needed a 53-yard field goal on the game’s final play last year to come from behind against the Quakers and avoid having a share of the Ivy League title slip through their grubby fingers.
The Pessimist: Penn will find out Saturday what Columbia found out when it got spanked by Harvard last week, 37-0. The Crimson game at Dartmouth was a one-off. The Harvardians are on a mission and are taking no prisoners the rest of the way.
The Optimist: What happens with Harvard and Princeton notwithstanding, our win over Cornell guarantees we'll still be in the running in Week 10. Then a win over Brown in our regular-season finale gives us a 5-2 finish in the Ivies.
The Pessimist: Go on.
The Optimist: Princeton will be 4-2 after losing at Yale. If the Tigers somehow get by Yale and go into the finale at 5-1, a loss against a Penn team capable of surprising them in a rivalry game drops them to 5-2 and into a tie with us. That shines the spotlight on Harvard-Yale, which won’t kick off until 3:30 Saturday. Yet another Harvard loss to a Yale team that can make its season by beating the hated Cantabs and we have a three-way tie at 5-2.
The Pessimist: Harvard will be ready. Trust me, four straight losses to the Yalies wouldn't sit well among the Harvard Stadium crowd.
The Optimist: You better hope it doesn’t sit well among their share of a Fenway Park crowd because the Crimson unwisely gave up the home field advantage this year to play the game, sorry, “The Game,” on a baseball diamond.
The Pessimist: It won’t matter. Penn and Yale are 4-4 as we speak. Harvard isn’t losing to any .500 teams.
The Optimist: Last I looked at the standings, they already lost to one.
The Pessimist: I walked right into that one, huh?
The Optimist: You sure did. But let’s worry about next week when we get there.
The Pessimist: That’s a plan. I’ll see you then.