The Optimist And The Pessimist Between Columbia And Harvard
(BGA Oct. 29) – The Optimist is sitting at the usual table making small talk with the server when The Pessimist walks in wearing a smiling mask. While the other guy looks on in amazement, The Pessimist sits down and removes the mask to reveal another underneath. This one appears to be in agony.
The Optimist: Halloween isn’t for another couple of days. S’plain Lucy.
The Pessimist: Nice I Love Lucy reference. These are the masks of Thalia and Melpomene, one the Muse of Festivity and the other the Muse of tragedy.
The Pessimist: Yes, but you have to admit Dartmouth fans watching the Columbia game were making real-life Thal and Mel faces on Saturday afternoon.
The Optimist: Thal and Mel it is now, huh? OK, I’ll admit it was an up-and-down game, but the bottom line is we won a road showdown for the Ivy League lead and are in control of out destiny with four games to go.
The Pessimist: Speaking of which, you were in total control of Saturday’s game until you lost control. I mean, seriously lost control. Eight penalties for 77 yards in the second half? Nine for 82 in the game? Unsportsmanlike, unnecessary roughness, and roughing the passer not once, but twice in the final quarter-and-a-half not only let Columbia climb back into the game but very nearly gave it to the Lions.
The Optimist: I’m not going to disagree that some of that was inexcusable, but let me make two points. First, there was a lot of exuberance and OK, some of that maybe crossed the line. I can promise you it won't happen again. And second, while the penalties helped the Lions, they didn’t “very nearly” win the game. The final score is misleading.
The Pessimist: The final score is what it says it was. While I’ll agree it wasn’t likely, Columbia really could have won that game at the end. You know full well what can happen when a team recovers an onside kick because that was the turning point in your win at Yale.
The Optimist: I hate it when you talk in italics. Anyway, enough Columbia. My focus is on going 1-0 this week against Harvard.
The Pessimist: Is there a coach in the country who isn’t preaching the “1-0 this week” mantra? I hear it everywhere and I’m sure they are hearing the same thing down in Cambridge when they show up for practice.
The Optimist: Allston.
The Pessimist: Excuse me?
The Optimist: Harvard’s athletic facilities are across the Charles from Cambridge, in Allston.
The Pessimist: OK, they are hearing “1-0” in Allston.
The Optimist: I’m feeling pretty good about this one. We’ve won three of the last five against those guys.
The Pessimist: You ought to run for office. Sure, you’ve won three of five, but they’ve won the last two and 16 of the last 19. Oh, and by the way, they are 5-1 overall, which is nothing to sneeze at.
The Optimist: Seriously, who have they beaten? Their five wins have come against teams with a combined 14-22 record. Not one team they’ve played has a winning record, and that includes 3-3 Brown, which actually beat them.
The Pessimist: Their opponents have a combined 14-22 record, which works out to .389. Not great, I’ll admit. But your opponents have a combined record of 17-25, which is .405. That’s not great either. If I remember my college statistics class, the difference is not statistically meaningful.
The Optimist: Maybe not, but we’ve beaten two Ivy League teams with winning records in 4-2 Yale and 4-2 Columbia. Harvard lost to 3-3 Brown and its Ivy wins have come against 2-4 Cornell and 2-4 Princeton.
The Pessimist: You keep bringing up that Brown game, so I might as well address it. Only an unbelievably fluke play in Harvard's opener kept this Saturday’s game from being a battle of the unbeatens.
The Optimist: This is one of the better games of the year and it might have gotten the attention it deserves if Harvard were undefeated. It's kind of a shame they aren't.
The Pessimist: They should be. That fluke play I was talking about happened in the final 30 seconds of that game with Harvard leading Brown, 28-23. On a fourth down at the Bears' nine, the Crimson lined up for a chip-shot field goal that would give them a safe eight-point lead. The snap was high and got past not only the holder but also the kicker. A Brown player scooped it up, raced across midfield, fumbled the ball but managed to get it back and carry it 13 more yards. On the next play, Brown hit a touchdown pass for the winning points with 21 seconds left.
The Optimist: OK, so Harvard was that close to being undefeated, but if I read the box score correctly, the Crimson twice had 18-point leads in that game and managed to lose. I’m not sure that’s the sign of a good team.
The Pessimist: You led Columbia by 17 points. Good thing you managed to hold on and win, or you would be singing a different tune.
The Optimist: Don’t forget, it’s our Homecoming game on Saturday. We’re not going to lose on Homecoming.
The Pessimist: I’m going to guess Merrimack and Columbia said the same thing before they played you.
The Optimist: After we beat Harvard, it’s clear sailing the rest of the way. Like I said earlier, Princeton and Cornell are both 2-4 and both lost to the Crimson, so we should be fine there. And I have no doubt if we get to the final Saturday at 9-0 – as I expect – we’re not going to stumble against Brown.
The Pessimist: Take care of Harvard, and then we’ll talk. But if I were you, I wouldn’t take those long back-to-back road trips to Princeton and Ithaca for granted. Beating you guys would go a long way toward salvaging disappointing seasons for both of those teams. As for Brown, that’s a team on the rise.
The Optimist: We'll see. Like I said earlier, my focus right now is on going 1-0 this week. We’ll talk about the next one after that.
The Pessimist: We’ll talk about the next one whether you go 1-0 or go 0-1. That’s how we roll. Which is what I have to do right now. Thalia, Melpomene and I wish you a happy Halloween and two of us will see you next week. The question is which two?
